a package that doesn’t disappoint…
Lumpy… Male?
What’s going on here?
Cold emails are DEAD. Cold calling is DEAD. LinkedIn is DEAD. It’s all DEAD!
I know it, and so do you.
If you want to get through to your dream clients, you only have one option...
here to escort you to your dream clients
Escorting.
One of the longest-standing services in human history, dating back over 4,500 years. The Greeks did it. The Romans too.
Now, if that doesn’t sound reliable… I don’t know what does.
Become a member of The Lumpy Male Shop today and get escorted through your dream client’s doors.
(Now accepting new members...)
“The Lumpy Male Shop always leaves me feeling satisfied…”
- Mark Eting-Leader, loyal member of The Lumpy Male Shop
How does it work?
the exclusive service of The Lumpy Male Shop
Step 1 - Desire
Tell us your wildest fantasies… Who would you love to get a meeting with? Who would make your life 10x better to work with? Whatever you want… we can handle it.
Step 2 - activity
You’ll have our Chief Escorting Officer, Louis, and his team of lumpy males at your service, using our signature “lumpy packages” to make your desires come true…
Step 3 - relief
Once we’ve taken you where you want to go, you can sit back and relax, feeling satisfied… Then tell all of your friends how great we are so they can join The Lumpy Male Shop too!
... In case you thought this was real and you were getting a bit over-excited by the thought of this service, I’m afraid I’m going to have to give you blue balls.
The Lumpy Male Shop doesn’t exist.
But if you are looking for a better way to get through to your dream clients, to help you stand out and land right in front of them...
... you might just like The Lumpy MAIL Shop.
grab marketing by the balls
The Lumpy Mail Shop
The Lumpy Mail Shop helps you book more meetings by using lumpy MAIL, not lumpy males...
By becoming a member, you get access to our best-performing, tried & tested lumpy mail campaigns (or you can create your own)!
Just give us a list of the people you want to work with most, and we’ll do the rest - packing, handwriting, and sending them unignorable lumpy mail campaigns in the post.
Things like piñatas, custom vinyl records, fake newspaper articles about them, money with their face on it...
Things that grab their attention, get them to actually read everything you have to say, and compel them to speak to you.
Things that have helped members get meetings with the C-Suite & Directors at companies like British Airways, EE, Currys, Jaguar LandRover, Jet2, AO, Boohoo and hundreds more...
Brought to you by
97 seconds inside the lumpy mail shop
Spend 30 minutes with me…
(No kissing allowed)...
Not sure if my lumps will fit your needs?
Book some time with me.
In all seriousness, I’m always happy to do what I can to help —— if we’re not a right fit, I’ll recommend another strategy, company, or someone who may be.